The Dill House Mama

My heart will ALWAYS yearns for more babies, but deep down, I know we have closed the chapter on that part of our lives. As a mom of three, my life is filled with the fun and chaos that accompanies a busy family. My mind and body are on the same page, reminding me that our trio keeps us plenty busy, and that’s enough.

When the time came to consider permanent birth control options, I found myself facing a decision I found myself leaning towards a tubal ligation over the the less invasive vasectomy. But why? The answer is complex, emotional, and deeply personal.

I hesitated to share the fact that I had undergone this procedure because I feared judgment. My husband did not hesitate to step up for his procedure and even he struggled to understand why I was willing to put myself through it when there were seemingly easier alternatives available. The answer lies in the hard years of infertility and heartbreaking losses.

For what felt like an eternity, I found myself on the wrong side of fate, God’s plan, or whatever higher power you may believe in. The struggle to conceive weighed heavily on my heart, and each loss left scars that ran deep. I longed for control, for a sense of agency over my own body. The fact that my body struggles to easily perform it’s most basic reproductive function was/still is hard on me.

The decision to undergo a tubal ligation wasn’t something I took lightly; it was my way of of healing and closing a painful chapter of my life. You see, up to this point, I hadn’t been given any say in my fertility journey. I didn’t get to decide when I would become pregnant, had no control over the losses I experienced, and certainly couldn’t predict which pregnancies would be fraught with complications. I felt helpless.

The actual procedure was surprisingly swift, an outpatient affair completed within a single day. I was gently placed under anesthesia, and while there was some discomfort (thankfully minimal), planning for recovery was a must. For a solid two weeks, I couldn’t lift anything, not even my beloved babies. That, my friends, was no walk in the park. But with a support system in place, it became manageable.

So, why am I sharing this personal story? In some way, I’m defending myself against the judgments I assume some people might be making, though it may sound ridiculous to say out loud. More importantly, I’m trying to kickstart a conversation about reproductive choices. If you find yourself standing at a similar crossroads, please know you’re not alone. It’s perfectly okay to seize control of your body, your mind, your inner peace. Know I am here, ready to field questions, share my personal journey, and extend a helping hand to anyone navigating this emotional path.

Always remember, the most crucial aspect of any decision is that you make a choice that empowers you and helps you find peace.